Scripture: For as he thinks within himself, so he is. Proverbs 23:7 (NASB)
Observation: As he thinketh. The particular application of this clause is to the covetous man who carries out the forms of friendly entertainment and plays the genial host, interested in the welfare of his guest, while his mind is casting about for some way to defraud him. There is a general application to all men. Since the issues of life spring from the heart (ch. 4:23), and a man is defiled by what comes out of him rather than by what goes in (Matt. 15:18–20), it follows that a man is as he thinks. [The Seventh-day Adventist Bible Commentary, Volume 3. 1977 (F. D. Nichol, Ed.) (1024). Review and Herald Publishing Association.]
Application: One of the most widely used therapeutic approaches in psychology is what known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT refers to behavior therapy, cognitive therapy, and to therapy based on a combination of basic behavioral and cognitive principles and research. Most therapists working with patients dealing with anxiety and depression use a blend of cognitive and behavioral therapy. CBT is "problem focused" (undertaken for specific problems) and "action oriented" (therapist tries to assist the client in selecting specific strategies to help address those problems).
Today’s text can be used as an illustration of how CBT works. We are and we behave according to the way that we think, would be a concise presentation of both CBT and our text for today. The problem is that sometimes our thinking is not completely rational and has to be addressed or confronted accordingly. For instance, when we focus on all the negative aspects or shortcomings of our spouse our thinking turns negative and unhappy and therefore we “feel” miserable. The next, “logical” step for us in this thought pattern is to seek happiness and that most often means leaving our spouse and finding happiness in someone else.
Instead of leaving your spouse and your children, a better approach, and one that would benefit you, your spouse, and your children most, is to change your thought pattern about your spouse and your marriage. Begin right away to make a list of all the things that you like and appreciate in your spouse. Every time they do something that you appreciate, that is nice, that is good, that helps you feel better, write it on that list. Don’t overlook the smallest actions or words. If you like the outfit they’re wearing, the fact they mowed the lawn, the lunch they fixed today, their smile, the fact they spent time with the kids helping them with their homework, when they held your hand, how hard they work to provide for the needs of the family, how careful they are with the family finances, and every other thing they do or are, add them to that list. Then take the next step and every day express appreciation toward them for at least one of those things you have written on your list. You should also do things that you know they like from you – that is a way to express your love for them.
When you focus on the positives, your thinking pattern toward them will change, your behavior toward them will change, and even if you don’t feel positive toward them right now eventually your feelings toward them will become more positive as well. The key is found within the words of our text today. “As a person thinks in his/her heart, so are they.” If you think loving thoughts, you will behave lovingly, and eventually you will feel loving. The approach that some take which is to begin acting loving when they “feel” love has not worked for too many who have ended their relationship because they lost their loving feelings toward their spouse. Change your thoughts, which will produce a change in your behavior, and will result in a change of your feelings.
A Prayer You May Say: Father God, help us to change our thoughts toward our spouse, and help us to behave lovingly toward them so that even if we have lost the loving feelings toward them we will act the way you would want us to act and so that our loving feelings toward them will be renewed every morning.
Used by permission of Adventist Family Ministries, North American Division of Seventh-day Adventists.
