Scripture: Short-tempered people do foolish things, and schemers are hated. Proverbs 14:17 (NLT)
Observation: Quick-tempered connects this verse with the preceding one. Such a person does foolish things (cf. v. 29; 15:18). “Flying off the handle”—not controlling one’s temper—causes a person to do and say ridiculous things, which he may later regret and be unable to undo. Even more difficult to live or work with is a person who is crafty (cf. 12:2) or scheming (mezimmâh; see comments on 1:4). A person who schemes and works underhandedly to get his way and to oppose others is hated by others because he is untrustworthy. He goes astray (14:22). [Buzzell, S. S. (1985). Proverbs. In J. F. Walvoord & R. B. Zuck (Eds.), The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures (J. F. Walvoord & R. B. Zuck, Ed.) (Pr 14:17). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.]
Application: The famous Mayo Clinic offered the following 10 tips to tame your temper (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/anger-management/MH00102)
1. Take a timeout. Counting to 10 isn't just for kids. Before reacting to a tense situation, take a few moments to breathe deeply and count to 10. Slowing down can help defuse your temper. If necessary, take a break from the person or situation until your frustration subsides a bit.
2. Once you're calm, express your anger. As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but non-confrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.
3. Get some exercise. Physical activity can provide an outlet for your emotions, especially if you're about to erupt. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other favorite physical activities. Physical activity stimulates various brain chemicals that can leave you feeling happier and more relaxed than you were before you worked out.
4. Think before you speak. In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.
5. Identify possible solutions. Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child's messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything, and might only make it worse.
6. Stick with 'I' statements. To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use "I" statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, "I'm upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes," instead of, "You never do any housework."
7 . Don't hold a grudge. Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want at all times.
8. Use humor to release tension. Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Don't use sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.
9. Practice relaxation skills. When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as, "Take it easy." You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.
10. Know when to seek help. Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Consider seeking help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you. You might explore local anger management classes or anger management counseling. With professional help, you can:
If you still experience problems with controlling your anger, you may look for anger management classes and counseling individually, with your spouse, with other family members, or in a group. Request a referral from your doctor to a counselor specializing in anger management, or ask family members, friends or other contacts for recommendations. Your health insurer, employee assistance program (EAP), clergy, or state or local agencies also might offer recommendations.
Don’t be foolish, as the proverb state; seek help to manage your anger before it hurts the people in your life.
A Prayer You May Say: Father God, help us to learn ways to control our anger so that we may not do or say foolish things that may hurt the people we love.
Used by permission of Adventist Family Ministries, North American Division of Seventh-day Adventists.
